ashcan rantings

Totally douchebag things you need to stop doing NOW:

dreamboatcourtney:

fuckprincecharming:

• Mowing your god damn lawn at 6:30 in the morning. It’s not going to grow 16 more inches if you wait a couple hours, asshole.
• Relating everything to Twilight. Fucking dick.
• Wearing Baby Phat, Ed Hardy, or sweatpants with a word on the ass.
• Wearing giant, hooker-looking eyelashes to school, work (unless you are a prostitute), or the fucking grocery store. Bitch, you just look cheap.
• Having “TEAM EDWARD” in your Facebook, tumblr, or Myspace username. No one gives a shit that you like an ugly ass, sparkling vampire.
• Letting your stupid shit head child cry and scream in a public place. Yes, I know it’s hard to get them to stop. But at least attempt to shut them up.
• Fucking talking during a movie. You know you’re not the only one in the theater, right? No one is impressed by your “witty” commentary.
• Wearing a black or white bra under a white shirt. Invest in a nude bra, bitch.
• Fighting through comments on FML, textsfromlastnight, etc. You do NOT look smart. No one gives a shit about your view on atheism, asshole.
• Ordering a “half-caf, soy milk, no whip, triple quadruple espresso foamed blah blah blah” at Starbucks. Just get a motherfucking coffee.
• Wearing Uggs.
• Snapping your gum. BITCH. STOP.
• Walking really, really fucking slowly in the aisles of stores, and taking up the whole god damn aisle in the process. How long does it fucking take to choose which brand of paper towels you want? It shouldn’t take that long. I don’t care if you’re 78 years old, get a fucking Hoveround, or move over so I can grab my damn Brawny paper towels and get on with my life.
• Arguing over the internet. Period.
• Peeing on the toilet seat, especially in public. I know some girls have a crooked stream, but please clean up after yourself.
• You’re driving a little bitch Mini Cooper. You don’t need two parking spots.

agree